Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for being exhausted and worry they’re not keeping the house neat enough or taking good enough care of the kids, even when their husbands aren’t complaining. Not judging people for not working. A gift to see that my husband was going to be there for me no matter what. @SueEllenMishke yes they are being raised by the nursery. By . If he wants the nice holidays then he will have to pay for them! Subject: I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Op should invest a couple of years into her child before she goes to school. OP cannot make any decisions alone but if I were her I’d question why he was against part time working if the finances wouldn’t be compromised - that’s very odd. He's a doctor in private practice so our finances are fine. [Warning added by MNHQ: distressing content], Can’t get my head round what my mother has done, A plea to those who have/will stop sticking to the restrictions, Has covid-19 affected your plans to become pregnant or TTC? Again part time is great. Your marital partner should be your teammate and there is no place for lies in your relationship, even when the truth is harsh and tough. He say the situation is making him ill. We could afford to live on my husbands salary but would have to make cut backs but my husband likes nice holidays etc. I forgot we were in 2020 where children as just commodities like dogs, to be raised by someone elseYou are kidding right? They are on a chaotic loud noisy room. I feel like this is one of those gotcha threads where the sexes have been reversed. So.. me and my husband are really struggling at the moment. It's unfair to force one person to bear full financial responsibility for a family. So if she went full time we are talking £700-£900It's great if you have family helping for free. I don't understand pp - one person leaving their job shouldn't be a unilateral decision in a household. A pp who hadn't read my posts suggested I never mentioned SAHDs. Nevertheless, it's a big step to go from the higher earner to SAHM and if your DH doesn't want to suddenly be the sole breadwinner that's understandable too.You need to work through this together and find a solution that suits both of you. So in that case, yes, the nursery worker is doing the majority of the child rearing. I’m the main earner in our household but I have a highly stressful managerial job. Staying at home can be a long term solution to a short term problem.I'm not understanding the part time work/full time pay scenario - sounds great! Relationships. Yet, he won't let me go easily while I'm crying, begging for a divorce. Older kiddo is already in elementary school. Husband won’t let me be SAHM or part time (544 Posts) Add message | Report. It should be a natural urge for him.Huh? Who's right? My husband is my partner, not my superior. Your DH needs to understand that you are suffering, stress is affecting your health and your parenting, and these things unchecked can lead to far bigger problems than smaller cars and less holidays. Subject: Re:Husband will not let me be a SAHM. Hello! No man wants to have sex with a wife who is constantly mothering him. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines. It's perfectly acceptable either way! Marriage is a partnership of equals - I do my part and my husband does his - and sometimes the work load is 60/40. And a man like this will never be the one who will make you happy and fulfilled. I wanted to stay home with our daughter after she was born but my husband insisted I go back to work so I did. Theres more to life than been a sahm, dont get me wrong if you can do it them great. This is all about respect. Let’s talk a little bit about how support gets into place and how long it takes. I had stated at the outset that a SAHD is fine the same as a SAHM. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Who's right? I don’t think either of you are necessarily being unreasonable, you just might find that your visions of family life might not be compatible. That is true for the other problems in relationships as well. That parent will be seeing their child for a couple of hours at best on week days. A lot of times, when a separation happens, the higher-earning spouse (let’s call him the husband, because in most cases, unfortunately, that’s still true) stops having his paycheck direct deposited into the joint account. Bernetteyog Tue 28-Jan-20 18:01:59. All this adds up to a change in personality for you. This is page 12 of 22 (This thread has 544 messages.). I would never judge a SAHM because of those threads alone, equally because of those threads I’d never judge a WOHM. Well the price of childcare isn't cheap. Bernetteyog Tue 28-Jan-20 18:01:59. My employer was happy for me to do part time hours on full pay (which was great) but not I have more workload and I need to do full time hours plus travel (I’m still bfing). In no way does that equate to being “raised by someone else”. Husband Doesn't Respect Me Because I'm a SAHM. I have one child and I have been back to work 18 months (also ttc no 2). A child in childcare is being raised by someone else? I have one child and I have been back to work 18 months (also ttc no 2). What was decided before you had the 18 month old? Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for being exhausted and worry they’re not keeping the house neat enough or taking good enough care of the kids, even when their husbands aren’t complaining. Get over yourself. I have one child and I have been back to work 18 months (also ttc no 2). I also said part time or one full and another part time. For our daughter, it meant she would not get to go to her favorite place. Let’s talk a little bit about how support gets into place and how long it takes. And that was another position she took pride in. That he was going to be someone I could laugh with, have romantic dinners with, walk on the beach with, and enjoy the good times with, but he was also going to be someone who would stay by my side when I was at my worst. Since having my daughter I have want to be a sahm or part time. I’m the main earner in our household but I have a highly stressful managerial job. Well there’s no company on the planet which will let you drop hours and keep the same pay. My employer was happy for me to do part time hours on full pay (which was great) but not I have more workload and I need to do full time hours plus travel (I’m still bfing). Stay-at-home moms - and actually I think all women do this to a certain point- have a tendency to step away from their individual identity and invest more into being a mom and being a wife. They breastfeed etc. It's already not working for you as it is, and you haven't resolved this issue with your husband so why add a second child into the mix as things stand? The additional workload will bring a large pay rise. Going back full time because you can't stand being home sounds like you don't enjoy mother hood. Because your husband does want to spend time with you, he may be afraid that if you homeschool you won’t … * i feel like this is one of those gotcha threads where the sexes have been reversed*The difference with the sexes being reversed though is that DH isn’t actually carrying a baby for nine months, giving birth and then breastfeeding all whilst trying to conceive another one and hold down a high powered job with very long hours - It’s not the same. But it's a false narrative and irrelevant. My family also lives an hour away and generally if there is a party down that way, I go with the kids. So.. me and my husband are really struggling at the moment. Bernetteyog Tue 28-Jan-20 18:01:59. He should want to provide for her stay at home. To be repulsed at this outcome? yes they are being raised by the nursery.No they aren't. And treated like a dog?You are utterly ridiculous. To do this he will manipulate your beliefs, he will control your thinking and your decision making and he will manage your behaviors.He will even change how you think about the world and your place in it. Subject: Re:Husband will not let me be a SAHM. My husband and I have been married 4 years and have a DS 18months. I'm 30, he's 35. ... For Families Torn Apart By Politics, The Election Results Won’t Change Anything. A narcissistic husband is all about control. Savings too, ie less childcare. Ive was a sahm for 2 months and hated it, always worked. Subject: I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. What does that even mean? Idk if you're financially dependent on your husband but if so get your ducks in a row my friend. Health and time with family should always be a priority over finances. It doesn't have to be all or nothing?Did you enjoy your job before? I’m the main earner in our household but I have a highly stressful managerial job. But we're happy to step up and help each other. The child can play and have a fun. I really don’t know where to go from here. It sounds like it would be better for you to hold off TTC your second child while this situation is ongoing. Baby. ... She tried to not let me sleep in the bedroom, which ended up with her now residing in the guest room. Anyway, no he can’t stop you leaving your job. Take this survey - £50 voucher to be won, How have you shown your appreciation for the NHS? So surely these full time workers give most of it away anywayOP is the main earner and a high stress managerial job. My cousin works in one and a baby calls her mummy now. Hello! If he’s not happy to compromise and neither are you then it may end up being a dealbreaker. I am highly stressed in my job and it’s effecting my health. I find that incredibly sad! Good luck. We had a similar situation and I was able to negotiate a part-time first, now I work remotely for multiple clients. I'd also leave having DC2 until you are both well established in new roles and a new economic dynamic. She won't regret it. A lot of times, when a separation happens, the higher-earning spouse (let’s call him the husband, because in most cases, unfortunately, that’s still true) stops having his paycheck direct deposited into the joint account. Her husband wanted her to quit working and be a stay at home mom to their oldest son over 10+ yrs ago. So.. me and my husband are really struggling at the moment. If your husband isn’t 100% enthusiastic about you staying at home, then it won’t work. I was earning only about 1/8 of what he was anyways, so we decided the most sensible arrangement since getting married was that I'd become a homemaker and SAHM when we had a baby. They can't take a sick day because mummy is working. yes they are being raised by the nursery - so once they are at shool, your children are also raised by the school? No Man Wants To Have Sex With His Mom. Hello! £200 voucher to be won, Win up to £500 worth of clothes: Share what you would buy from Zalando, Husband won’t let me be SAHM or part time, Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. Published May 6, 2015. Can you change job? I can’t really advise without knowing detailed figures about both incomes and your outgoings. I know we could afford it with me not working but he says it's not fair to him. My ex was working full time the money wasnt great, eventually i said i had had enough and wanted to work again. I was referring to posters who said she should just quit. That’s why these threads will always be so split and why it needs to be decided on an individual basis between the family, not one person in the family deciding for everyone. Numerous times. Husband won’t let me be SAHM or part time (544 Posts) Add message | Report. Mums usually are at home as they birth the baby. If being a SAHM has always been your dream, then you should've married someone who was supportive of your dream. This is page 1 of 22 (This thread has 544 messages.). I'm talking babies and toddlers. Take this survey - £50 voucher to be won, How have you shown your appreciation for the NHS? I also said part time ( 544 Posts ) Add message | Report n't Respect me because gets... Like you may have subconsciously be drawn to a man for 15 years and have a father so. 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